I know, I know–I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve been going through a wee bit of baseball depression. Yes, I’m thrilled my Phillies got Doc, but dammit, I miss Cliff Lee. Lee was a favorite of mine before he came to Philly, and he’ll still be a favorite now that he’s no longer there, but…it’s just not the same, you know? I adore him, and he was my top priority to meet this year at ALS Night, and now I can’t because he won’t be there because he plays with freakin’ Seattle now. It’s not that I’m not grateful to have Halladay, but…Lee was the BILFiest BILF, you know? So I’m still kind of sad.
But these next few items I’m gonna post…well, you’ll see why I came out of my baseball depression to post ’em. They’re juicy, juicy, juicy.
As much as I love Pat Burrell, I’m no stranger to making fun of him a little bit. But seriously, Pat? I know this is just a little whisper-down-the-lane type of rumor, but if this is true…you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Check out the second little blurb on this Deadspin article (NSFW!). Oh, Pat the Bat…how did you manage to get “jealous” and “laughing hysterically” so confused? I know ladyparts don’t generally laugh, but if that scenario happened to me, I’m pretty sure mine would actually start snickering.
And this CDAN blind item is priceless. Absolutely priceless. I’m a very open-minded girl, and even I think this ballplayer’s habit is a little on the strange side. (And did the ballplayer really think admitting his little kink would actually impress any of the women within earshot?) The general consensus seems to think the ballplayer in question is Barry Zito, Brad Penny, or Derek Jeter. When I first read this, I immediately thought of A-Rod–because I could totally see him doing this…in front of a mirror…by his freakin’ centaur painting…, but the description of who the ballplayer has dated doesn’t seem to line up with A-Rod. I can’t help but think it’s Jeter, but wouldn’t Enty have acted more shocked if it were him (since Jeter tries to have a squeaky clean image in the public eye)? Which makes me think it’s perhaps Zito…because, well, Zito’s a little wacky, and this is a hell of a wacky thing to announce. So, dear readers, what are your thoughts on this, um, sticky issue?
P.S. I think I’ll be checking into future issues of GQ just to look at their photo shoots and see if I can figure out which ballplayer it might be…
…that there are some truly hot ballplayers in the World Series this year.
People magazine is conducting a little poll about hot ballplayers in the Series. I’m a little miffed that they didn’t include Cliff Lee as one of the choices in the poll, because he’s smokin’ hot (and talented, too!). Here’s who they did pick:
a. Derek Jeter. I have never understood why women dig Jeter. He has a really oddly-shaped head, and while his eyes are pretty, I think the rest of his face is goofy-looking.
b. A-Rod. I used to think A-Rod was beautiful…until this weekend, when, in one of the Series games I watched, I saw a large booger fly out of his nose. Ewww. And, um, Grape Nuts…need I say more?
c. Cole Hamels. Beautiful. He could truly be a model. Lately, I wish he was a model instead of a pitcher. (I’m still ticked at him for screwing up on Saturday night, and then for making his pansy “I wish the season were over” comments.)
d. Chase Utley. He actually looks really good here in the picture People picked out. When his hair is slicked back, I don’t find him cute at all, but when his hair looks good, he’s adorable.
Wanna vote in the poll? Click here! (For the record, I voted for Hamels. Duh.)
For all my fellow working stiffs out there–just in case you needed yet another reason to hate your job, now you can compare your salary with that of several baseball players, including BILFs Cliff Lee, A-Rod, and Mark Teixiera.
I thought I made a pretty decent salary until I found out that I’d need to work 66.67 years in order to make his salary. He makes my salary in just .46 games, 49.34 pitches thrown, 2.55 strikeouts, or .33 wins. I think I might go cry now…
Oh my goodness! I could barely
write coherently about the All-Star Game–I was too busy fanning my
brow every time I saw Josh Hamilton do something hot, or swooning each
time I witness Joe Mauer lookin’ good… Below is my disjointed
recap/account of the NL and AL All-Star hotties. Keep in mind that it
might be a little biased since I was rooting for the NL to win this
–CHASE! Did you almost let that ball hit you in the head? Oh, c’mere, Chuttles. I’ll make it all better.
–OMG OMG OMG THERE’S JOSH HAMILTON!!!! Never mind that I didn’t know who he was 24 hours ago. I’m thisclose
to being obsessed. This is all the fault of his tattoos. if he didn’t
have all the tattoos, he’d just be kinda hot. But he is AMAZINGLY hot.
–JOE MAUER!!!! My new favorite catcher! I’m almost becoming convinced that AL players are hotter than NL players…
–Hey, Cliff Lee almost kinda-sorta looks like Mike Delfino. Hmmm…
pretty hot. I never noticed that before. Somebody’s gotta be a hot
Yankee now that Phillips isn’t on the team anymore. I guess that
somebody is A-Rod.
–Ryan Braun, you look so young. I can’t possibly think you’re cute; you look like your voice still squeaks when you talk.
–Chipper Jones…not bad, not bad.
Although if we’re talking Braves, I’m totally a Francoeur girl. But
Francoeur was nowhere near making it to the All-Star game this year.
Hell, he was barely back in major league baseball by that point…
Holliday, are you cute or not? Off with the hat. I can’t tell what the
hell you look like with that silly hat on. On a side note, I hate the
Rockies’ uniforms; they look so out of style.
–What is the deal
with Grady Sizemore? I’m not convinced he’s hot. Not at all. Sorry,
Grady’s Ladies. I just don’t see it. Yet. Convince me.
entire Texas Rangers team hot? They almost have more hot players than
the Phillies do. Holy crap, I think I actually have a reason to visit
–Justin Morneau–such a cutie. Not hot, necessarily, but cute.
–I cannot believe I dumped Evan Longoria off my fantasy team. IDIOT. IDIOT. IDIOT.
–Screw you, JD Drew. (All Phillies fans hate JD Drew. It’s a fact of life.)
Nathan? Is hot? He’s on my fantasy baseball team (picked purely for his
talent) and I didn’t even know he was kinda hot? WTF? Am I losing my
–Who is this Wilson dude on the Giants who’s hot? I need
to get to know this guy. And not because I need another reliever on my
fantasy team. (Note: upon further research, this guy is Brian Wilson.
It’s weird thinking someone with the same name as a Beach Boy is
–Billy Wagner, I effin’ HATE you even more than I usually hate you. WAY TO GO, JERKFACE.
–Screw you again, JD Drew.
–Ooh, I like it when the camera pans to the NL dugout. Hi, Chase!!!!!! [waves madly at the TV]
–Dan Uggla, you SUCK. You were cute until you made that error.
–Uggla, you’re pushing it. Error #2. Two in a row! Now you’re really not cute.
Corey Hart. Pat Burrell should have beaten you in the NL All-Star last
pick contest, you know. He’d have looked a hell of a lot better out
there. Granted, he still can’t run worth beans, but his hair would be
perfect. Because, you know, that sort of thing totally matters.
dugout? Josh sofreakinhotIjustwannascream Hamilton! *squeal* Hey!
Camera! No need to pan back to the game! We’re in extra innings. That’s
not exciting at all!
–McLouth, whoever you are, your hair is kinda hot.
–Ooooh, Brad Lidge. This guy’s growing on me. He’s kinda hot. He’s no Cole Hamels, but he’s not chopped liver, either.
–Crap. I wanted this crazy-long baseball game to end…but not like
that. Damn you, American League. I’d totally hate you right now if you
didn’t have a bunch of hot players on your All-Star team.
In conclusion: I really need to find another adjective to use besides the word hot. Thesaurus, here I come!