Tagged: Pat Burrell

BILFs behaving badly…

I know, I know–I haven’t updated in a while.  I’ve been going through a wee bit of baseball depression.  Yes, I’m thrilled my Phillies got Doc, but dammit, I miss Cliff Lee.  Lee was a favorite of mine before he came to Philly, and he’ll still be a favorite now that he’s no longer there, but…it’s just not the same, you know?  I adore him, and he was my top priority to meet this year at ALS Night, and now I can’t because he won’t be there because he plays with freakin’ Seattle now.  It’s not that I’m not grateful to have Halladay, but…Lee was the BILFiest BILF, you know?  So I’m still kind of sad.

But these next few items I’m gonna post…well, you’ll see why I came out of my baseball depression to post ’em.  They’re juicy, juicy, juicy.

As much as I love Pat Burrell, I’m no stranger to making fun of him a little bit.  But seriously, Pat?  I know this is just a little whisper-down-the-lane type of rumor, but if this is true…you’ve really outdone yourself this time.  Check out the second little blurb on this Deadspin article (NSFW!).  Oh, Pat the Bat…how did you manage to get “jealous” and “laughing hysterically” so confused?  I know ladyparts don’t generally laugh, but if that scenario happened to me, I’m pretty sure mine would actually start snickering.

And this CDAN blind item is priceless.  Absolutely priceless.  I’m a very open-minded girl, and even I think this ballplayer’s habit is a little on the strange side.  (And did the ballplayer really think admitting his little kink would actually impress any of the women within earshot?)  The general consensus seems to think the ballplayer in question is Barry Zito, Brad Penny, or Derek Jeter.  When I first read this, I immediately thought of A-Rod–because I could totally see him doing this…in front of a mirror…by his freakin’ centaur painting…, but the description of who the ballplayer has dated doesn’t seem to line up with A-Rod.  I can’t help but think it’s Jeter, but wouldn’t Enty have acted more shocked if it were him (since Jeter tries to have a squeaky clean image in the public eye)?  Which makes me think it’s perhaps Zito…because, well, Zito’s a little wacky, and this is a hell of a wacky thing to announce.  So, dear readers, what are your thoughts on this, um, sticky issue?

P.S. I think I’ll be checking into future issues of GQ just to look at their photo shoots and see if I can figure out which ballplayer it might be…     

TAKIN’ CARE OF BUSINESS.

I posted a slightly snarky (OK, very snarky) blog entry over at Red Pen, Inc. today regarding my favorite left fielder…the one and only Pat Burrell.  Click here to check it out!  🙂

More BILF-related goodness soon, I promise.  I’ve been so bogged down lately with a million different creative projects…once baseball season start, little miss BILF Reporter here will be baaa-aaack!  (Especially because I’m in TWO fantasy baseball leagues this year and will need a place to talk about BILFiness, fantasy frustrations, and more…)

THE RAYS JUST GOT TWICE AS HOT.

I know it’s gonna sound blasphemous to say that this year, I’m gonna root for the Rays–since I spent the entire World Series wanting them to lose to my Phillies–but it’s true.  Next year, I’ll be rooting for the Rays.  I mean, I’ll still be rooting for the Phillies the most, the hardest, the loudest, and the most obnoxiously, but the Rays are now among my American League team favorites.

Now they have not just ONE hot guy on their team…

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…they’ve got TWO hot guys on their team!

 

It looks like Pat the Bat will be a Ray this season!  Congrats to the BILFalicious Pat the Bat.  I’m sure he’ll do well as the Rays’ slugger!  (At the very least, it keeps him away from the outfield and keeps him less tired.)  I’ll miss staring at Pat’s sweet butt and nice hair in left field at Citizens Bank Park–Ibanez might be a slightly better player than Burrell, but Burrell’s the hotter of the two, by far!

 

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PAT THE BAT, PLEASE COME BACK!

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Today Pat Burrell filed for free agency.  While the Phillies’ newly-appointed GM Ruben Amaro says they’d like to bring him back in 2009, it’s entirely possible that Burrell could be too expensive for the team to bring back.  While many of us Phillies fans have a love-hate relationship with Pat the Bat, since he is an awfully streaky hitter (and a pretty sloooooow runner), the man did hit 33 homers this year (ninth in the league) and drove in 86 runs, plus was third in the league for walks, and helped the Phillies at a few key moments in the postseason.  Slow and streaky as he may be, I’d like to see Pat the Bat back in Philly next season.  He’s got good numbers, he’s been with the organization his entire baseball career, and he’s nice to look at (unless I’m watching him run the bases…in that case, it’s more likely that I’m cringing as opposed to drooling).

Then again, if Pat doesn’t come back to the Phillies for the 2009 season, it might mean we could see more playing time for Greg Dobbs and Geoff Jenkins.  In terms of talent and looks, I prefer Dobbs over Jenkins, but I wouldn’t kick either one of ’em out of bed for eating crackers, and I’d like to see them get more playing time.  Jenkins has seemed to be on a decline for a while, but offensively, Dobbs is quite good (ended the season with a batting average that was over .300).  I suppose we’ll have to wait and see what happens…

A FEW QUICK BILF-RELATED TIDBITS…

Baseball season’s over, but there are still BILFs out there gettin’ busy…

* There are second base-playing BILFs swearing all over the airwaves!  (Chase Utley, you rebel.  I love you!)

* The BILFiest of all BILF pitchers made an appearance on Letterman on Thursday night…  (Click the link.  There’s video, and it’s nice to look at.)

* There were BILFs present at some “phestivities” in Philadelphia…  Over a million people went out to see the parade!

* Weirdest BILF-related factoid I’ve learned this weekend: Holy crap, Pat Burrell’s dog weights 25 more pounds than I weigh!    I didn’t know English bulldogs could weigh more than 27-year-old girls.  Apparently they can.  (Pat, what do you feed that thing?)

* There’s apparently another kind of BILF out there, which disturbs me a little…  (Greg Dobbs or bacon?  Cole Hamels or scrambled eggs?  I’d pick the ballplayer over the breakfast food every time…)

* If you wanna buy one of my BILF T-shirts (where the B stands for ballplayer, of course), click here.

* In non-Phillies-related baseball news, there are lots of players filing for free agency.  From a quick skim of the the news items on MLB.com, I’ve determined that none of them are particularly BILFalicious.  Disagree with that assessment?  Comment below and tell me which free agents are cute!

THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

My Phillies fascination (phascination?) is all your fault.  Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you–specifically, you, you, and you.

It’s true that I was brought up on a steady diet of baseball and was going to games at Veterans Stadium when I was little (yes, even back then, I met baseball players all the time, and crushed on ’em, too–when I was a very little girl, I was quite fond of Von Hayes.  Stop laughing…).  It’s true that I’ve always been a Phillies fan.  But my Phillies fan-dom has increased over the past several years, and that’s not just ’cause the players have gotten cuter.

It’s because of my post-college exes.  This is all their fault.

See, I can be a very competitive person.   I also have made a bad habit of consorting with The Enemy.  And just so you’re aware, The Enemy is any team that’s done something to prevent my Phillies from being particularly victorious in any given season.

I have a confession to make, you guys.  For a really long time…I dated a Mets fan.  I know, I know.  The Enemy of all enemies.  (And then, after that, I was involved with a Rockies fan…which wouldn’t be so appalling except that that happened a mere 8 months after the Rockies trounced all over my Phillies in the playoffs.)

But first, let’s backtrack.  It’s 2004.  I’m a Phillies fan.  I like ’em, but I don’t love ’em (yet).  The guy I’m dating, he’s a Red Sox fan.  And he’s effin’ crazy.  I’m not kidding.  Seriously crazy.  He didn’t seem crazy when I started dating him, but when I first met him, the Red Sox had just won the 2004 World Series.  He was a happy dude then.  He wasn’t trying to jump off my balcony at that point.  But then, 2005.  The Sox aren’t doing as well as they were the previous season.  The baseball-induced (seriously) knife-hiding, suicide-attempting, trying-to-bang-my-door-down (oh yes, still serious!) crazy starts to come out.  And I mean really come out.   It’s around this time that I discovered, hey, Pat Burrell’s hot!  And I made the mistake of saying so.  And because the crazy one was severely jealous of my affection toward anything male that wasn’t him, the crazy came out some more.  And by the time I got a nice little restraining order against the Sox fan and his craziness, I swore up and down I didn’t ever want to have to deal with anything Red Sox-related ever again and that I was a National League, Phillies-lovin’ girl through and through.

Not long afterward, I met the Mets fan.  He seemed like Prince Charming at first–hey, he wasn’t a Red Sox fan!  He met my one and only boyfriend requirement!  (Kidding, everyone.  I’m a very choosy girl.)  He didn’t have the self-confidence problems that the Crazy One had, so if I mentioned Pat Burrell’s hotness (or Chase Utley’s hotness, etc), he didn’t freak out.  But we did have an awful lot of arguments about whether or not Cole Hamels has a mullet (he doesn’t, dammit, and never has!).  And we did bicker a lot about whose team was better…and while we were each very adamant about our positions on this topic, it probably didn’t help my cause to end each argument with “well, my team’s better because they’re cuter” (even though it’s true, they are totally cuter than the Mets).  It also didn’t help that I went through a truly abysmal phase where I had a mad crush on Jeff Francoeur, whose good looks could not even begin to make up for the awful stats he produced this year.  Simply put, the Mets fan didn’t particularly take my baseball-related opinions seriously, and I was doing nothing to change that since all I did was talk about how cute all my favorite players are.

But then the Mets fan introduced me to fantasy baseball, and all of a sudden, I started paying attention to the game as much as to the players, to the players’ stats as much as to their cute pinstriped butts, to crazy acronyms like WHIP and ERA in addition to the crazy acronym BILF that I was so excited about.  All of a sudden, I started to Understand The Game.  And it couldn’t have happened at a better time, since my Phillies were kickin’ butt and takin’ names.  I started to learn about what they did, and who was legitimately good, and why they were good.  Because yeah, cuteness counts to this girl right here, but in fantasy baseball, cute doesn’t count for squat.  Now all of a sudden, I not only loved that my favorite Phillies were hot–but they were also really, really good.  (So good, in fact, that I’m convinced the reason I came in 2nd in my fantasy league–that’s right, first time doing fantasy baseball, and I got 2nd place out of 10 players…boo-yah!–is because I picked some truly awesome Phillies who ended up really carrying my team: Hamels, Utley, Victorino, and Moyer.)

Despite the fact that the Mets fan did do some really nice things, like help me pick 50% of my fantasy team when my internet punked out on me in the middle of my draft, bought me a Greg Dobbs autographed ball one year for Christmas, actually taught me a few things about baseball and stats, and even tagged along one time when I was at ALS Night meeting Phillies (although I swear he was only there so he could try to touch them and put a hex on them), I ended up breaking up with him (not because he was a Mets fan, either–really, I’m not that petty).  And then, somehow, when my heart was still slightly tender and I’d amazingly managed to forget the thorough trouncing the Rockies gave the Phillies in the 2007 playoffs, I found myself involved with a Rockies fan.  Thankfully, we didn’t talk baseball much, but how I ever managed to deal with a Rockies fan when the part of my heart that wasn’t tender was still black and angry and hateful from thinking back to October 2007’s playoff elimination still amazes me. 

And while I’m grateful to the Mets fan for teaching me some baseball wisdom, and grateful to the Sox fan for making me see that hey, those Yankees are kind of a fun team to like when I feel like rooting for an AL team, and to the Rockies fan for being kind (and wise) enough to never hold it over my head that his team beat mine in a few very crucial games, I can’t help but perpetually want their teams to lose.  As I mentioned, I’m a competitive kind of girl.  Despite the fact that I’m still chummy with 2/3 of these guys, and I sincerely wish them lots of happiness, I want to be the one with the most baseball happiness, dammit.  If, for instance, the Mets fan is happy, then that probably means the Phillies are doing something to make me unhappy.  If the Sox fan is happy, then the Yankees are probably making me a little peeved.  If the Rockies fan is happy…hey, does anyone even pay attention to Colorado baseball anymore?  Just wondering.

With each person I’ve dated, I’ve grown to love my Phillies a little more–it’s a love that’s grown mostly out of genuine affection for my Favorite Team Ever, and a love that’s grown slightly (and amusingly) out of spite.  With every ex, I cheer a little harder for my boys in red and white.  I stare just a little bit longer at their cute pinstriped butts.  I push myself to learn more and more about my favorite team, about the game, and about the hotties on other teams (Justin Morneau, where have you been all my life?!?).  I hope a little harder that my team beats yours–whoever you are, and whoever your team may be.  I blow a few more kisses at Burrell and I squeal just a little more when I see Hamels pitch.

So, dear exes, this is your fault.  You’ve collectively and gradually created a Phillies monster (and a fantasy baseball monster, too).  And thank you–yes,
really
.  Thank you.  Because through all that went wrong and all that went right, I found my one true love, the one who didn’t let me down yet this year…the Philadelphia Phillies (awwww!).

Okay, enough with the mush.  My team’s in the World Series…and yours isn’t.  Woo-hoo!

THE MOST PHILLIE-FIED DESK IN NEW YORK.

There’s not a whole lot of Phillies-related stuff to talk about yet ’cause we still have no idea who they’re gonna be playing in the World Series (since Boston caught up from a 3-1 deficit in the ALCS to tie that series–game 7 is tonight!).  So I thought I’d give you a little glimpse into my very Phillie-fied desk.  Now, if my desk was in Philly, this probably wouldn’t be so exciting or entertaining, but keep in mind that I live and work right in the heart of Mets territory.  The folks around me are Yankees and Mets fans.  The Yankees fans don’t seem to mind my Phillies stuff (in fact, if Boston ends up sneaking their way into the Series this year, I bet all the Yankees fans are going to turn into makeshift Phillies fans very quickly).  But I’m seriously surprised that no Mets fans have drawn devil horns on my Cole Hamels newspaper clippings or Sharpied a goofy-looking mustache on my picture of Pat Burrell…

desk-001.jpgThis is where I sit to do my work-related (as opposed to my blog-related) magic.  The day after the Phillies won the NL East, I switched desktop wallpapers from a picture of Cole Hamels to this one.  🙂  The Chase Utley mousepad is one of my favorite things ever.  I often have to take my laptop and go make a presentation somewhere.  Since I hate using the laptop mouse, I always bring along a regular mouse to attach to my computer…and of course the Chuttles mousepad comes along with it!  It’s quite the conversation piece, I’ll say that much!

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These are 2 of my Phillies pennants.  I hear that there are more pennants coming my way in the mail, so next week I’m gonna have to think of a way to reorganize these so they can all fit!  🙂  And what cube of a Phillies fan would be complete without a Phillies rally towel?

desk-003.jpgMy desk is filled with pictures.  Not of me and my friends or me and my family–oh, no, it’s filled with pictures of me and baseball players or rock stars.  Here you can see the a picture of me and my favorite Phillie, Cole Hamels (from the first time I’ve met him–I’ve met him 3 times so far!), and one of me and Chase Utley.  When I’m having a crappy day at work, these pictures totally cheer me up!

desk-004.jpgTwo of my favorite Phillies-related things are in this picture!  First, there’s Pat the Bunny–named in honor of Burrell (but is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the Pat the Bunny you may have read as a young’un!).  I often give Pat the Bunny kisses just because.  🙂  At my last radio job, it was a little game for my co-workers to steal Pat the Bunny.  I’d come back from a meeting only to find an empty space, a ransom note, or some strange toy on my desk in the spot that Pat the Bunny used to occupy.  Then I’d have to go wander the building to find Pat.  It was usually the same Yankees fan behind the bunny-napping, so I never had to look too far.

And there’s my favorite picture of Cole Hamels.  My co-workers, who didn’t used to be familiar with what the Phillies players looked like, would always ask me if that was my boyfriend, and I’d sigh despondently and say “No, that’s not my boyfriend.  That’s my BILF!”  (At this point, though, pretty much all my female co-workers know who Cole Hamels is.  They have good taste–most of them think he’s quite attractive, too!)

desk-005.jpgI love my Phillies bear!  I’ve named him Jayson ’cause his hair is cool as hell–just like Jayson Werth’s hair is!  And here are more pictures.  Over on the left there’s one of me and Ryan Howard (who is super-nice in person), and then in the silver frame, there’s a picture of me and Pat the Bat!  (The other pictures are of me and Beck, me and Green Day, and me with the former lead singer of Allister.  Can you tell I used to work in radio?)  On the far left, you can see the corner of a big newspaper clipping from the Philadelphia Inquirer, featuring a truly gorgeous picture of, and article about, Cole Hamels.  The headline for that article is “Great Expectations”–yeah, I think he definitely fulfilled and exceeded our expectations this year!  (And what’ll you do in the World Series, Cole?  Gonna go kick some butt and take some names there, too?  I can’t wait to see that!)

desk-006.jpgAnd last but not least, here are my favorite two pennants, honoring my favorite two baseball players!  Amazingly, no Mets fans have “accidentally” un-thumbtacked them and sent them sailing into the trash and recycle bins below them…

So there you have it.  My own little slice of Phillies paradise in the center of Mets territory.  I’ve got more Phillies paraphernalia coming, courtesy of my super-awesome mom, and I can’t wait to do more cube-decorating with National League Champions-related stuff!!!